Hot! Faux News Headlines – Wednesday, Jan. 2

Happy New Year!

Latest B.S. in Sports

Ray Lewis to retire | New Geico commercial: As happy as running backs on the day Ray Lewis retires
NHL mulls bringing in Congress to handle labor dispute since they “did such a good job on fiscal cliff”
Amar’e returns from injury to play his first game of the season for Knicks, who promptly lose
Sean Payton’s stellar work this year earns him 5yr-$40mil deal from Saints | Goodell: #PunishmentFail
Kobe on Lakers loss to 76ers: Cause we’re old as shit | No really, he actually said that
U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service declares ‘NFL Coach’ as endangered species | No love for Lovie
Jets fire Tannenbaum, will fire Rex too, but only “after all the good coaches get jobs elsewhere”
Cowboys miss playoffs | Tony Romo plays poorly in Week 17 loss, surprises no one, anywhere
Vince Young demands trade to University of Texas Longhorns

Latest B.S. in News

Ukranian scientist teaches dolphin to crawl, inadvertently hastens evolution of humanity’s successors
112th Congress fails to vote on Sandy relief | Boehner: Superstorm Sandy? So last year..
Kim & Kanye’s unborn baby betrothed to Blue Ivy, American Royal Wedding scheduled for 2031
Tarantino describes Django Unchained as “the least offensive” movie he’s ever made
Lindsay Lohan tapped to play herself in upcoming court appearance

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