Tim Tebow’s Prayer Journal
If we know anything about Tim Tebow, it’s that he’s the most talked-about backup quarterback in NFL history — and he’s religious. The former Heisman winner-turned-Broncos-surprise-savior-turned-Broncos-outcast-turned-Jets-one-man distraction-show is very open about his Christian faith. But he also likes to keep some of his thoughts private in his very own prayer journal, which we happened to “uncover” (Eighth Commandment be damned) at just the right time — the end of the Jets season. And quite possibly, the world.
With all the clipboard-holding Tebow did this year, it’s no wonder he had so much time to write his thoughts down. Here are some noteworthy excerpts from Tebow’s prayer journal.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Entry No. 21,294: We Got Peyton!
Praise be to God and Jesus Christ, for Mr. Manning is now a Denver Bronco. I’m so excited to get the chance to play with Mr. Manning and have him teach me how to be a better quarterback and leader for this team. Also, he’s just so dang funny in those commercials!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Entry No. 21,295: On Second Thought
I realize now, Lord, that much of what I wrote in the previous entry is unlikely to come to pass. Like that whole second sentence. Forgive me, Father, for being so naïve.
March 21, 2012
Entry No. 21,303: I’m a…Jet?
From what I hear, New York is supposed to be this great big city full of mean people. And Jews. I understand now, Lord, why You would send me there — to help save not only the Jets but also the Jews.
June 18, 2012
Entry No. 21,598: MUSCLES!!!
I’m pumped up to be a Jet. (See what I did there?)
P.S. Those young adults on the Jersey Shore television program that Mark watches all the time, misguided though they may be, certainly know a thing or two when it comes to the important things in life: Gym and laundry. Not sure about that third one, though. I’ve never understood the desire to desecrate one’s skin with UV rays like that.
August 3, 2012
Entry No. 22,332: Training Camp is So Much Fun
There’s not much to do at all here at SUNY Cortland. My kind of place. If this is anything like New York City, I think I’m going to like life as a Jet.
August 10, 2012
Entry No. 22,367: First Preseason Game
Thank You, Lord Jesus Chris, for the strength to help me throw only one interception.
August 30, 2012
Entry No. 22,899: Final Preseason Game
We scored our first offensive touchdown of the preseason. It only took thirteen full quarters! Do You think it’s a coincidence, Lord, that I didn’t play at all in the game? Or just fate?
September 9, 2012
Entry No. 23,013: Big Win in Week 1!
We scored a whopping 48 points against the Bills! See, all that talk about in the preseason about how bad our offense was going to be was just plain silly. I totally helped contribute by rushing five times and gaining 11 yards. Better yet, Coach Rex told me afterwards I did a great job of acting as a decoy. Thanks, Coach!
September 23, 2012
Entry No. 23,126: It Sure Feels Good to Be 2-1…
…But I’m praying that Coach Rex will let me throw a pass soon.
September 30, 2012
Entry No. 23,187: My Season Completion Percentage: 100%
Lord, You answered my prayers from last week by granting me a new opportunity. I am now 1-for-1 on passes this season! Can’t do any better than perfection. Although, I admit I’m not sure yet what You might have been trying to tell me, Lord, by turning my first completion into a turnover when the player who caught the ball immediately fumbled it to the 49ers.
P.S. We lost, 34-0.
October 13, 2012
Entry No. 23,877: Week 6 — Longest Pass So Far
Completed my second pass of the season for — get this — 23 yards. Sure to be plenty more where that came from!
November 11, 2012
Entry No. 25,034: Third Straight Loss
I know, Lord, that You are testing both my team and me by putting us through this trying time. Even my dynamic performance this week — 3-for-3 on passes for eight yards, and four rushes for 14 more yards — couldn’t prevent us from falling to 3-6. After seven attempts combined, I just know that my hard work will soon pay off with Your guidance. Thank You, Lord, for teaching me patience and fortitude in the face of adversity.
November 15, 2012
Entry No. 25,051: I’m Ready, Coach!
Coach Rex is so nice. He keeps saying to everyone that he promises to get me more involved in the game plans. That would be swell. I can’t wait until he comes to talk to me about that, just as soon as he figures out where my locker is!
November 22, 2012
Entry No. 25,178: Thanksgiving
Lord, even though I have a pair of broken ribs and couldn’t play against the Patriots today, I have so much to be thankful for on this great holiday. Like my family and friends, and of course, all of my fans, who mean so much to me and keep chanting for me to play more. And my teammates. Especially Mark, for making me laugh so hard when he ran into Brandon’s backside and fumbled. Wait, that was uncalled for. I apologize for thinking such unwholesome thoughts about my teammate. As penance, I will do an extra Hail Mary. Hey, wait a minute…do You think that prayer is where they came up with the name of the football play?
December 2, 2012
Entry No. 25,387: Missed Opportunity
Why, Lord? Why!?!? This should have been my chance! I have been waiting so long, and poor Mark, he was so bad that Coach Rex finally decided to take him out…and I’m stuck on the sideline with my broken ribs. If this is Your idea of a joke, well, it’s a mean one. But then, they always say God has a cruel sense of humor. It’s not that I’m not happy for Greg — I am. It’s just that I wish that could have been me out there, getting cheered and leading the team to victory. Shucks, I would’ve even had a chance to kneel and thank my Lord, Jesus Christ, after the game. I’m not mad at You, but I’ll admit, I’m confused about what I’m doing here after all.
December 12, 2012
Entry No. 25,603: Homecoming in Jacksonville
This was such a special and exciting game. Not only did we win again, but I got to come home to Jacksonville! Even though I didn’t play at all, the folks were so welcoming and happy to see me. Maybe if I’d never turned down the chance to play here, I would have played here.
December 17, 2012
Entry No. 24,995: Now I Understand
Boy, Mark had a rough day. Five turnovers, including four interceptions against the Titans. I’ll pray for him. I’m pretty certain he’s trying to give me a chance to show what I can do, but frankly, I’m not sure I even want to risk it at this point. I think I get it now. You’ve got big plans for me for next season, and the last thing I need is to play for this God-forsaken team — sorry, Lord, for taking Your name in vain — and get hurt or play so badly that it’s impossible for me to get out of here. I see now that You blocked my path all this time for a reason. Considering all the suffering You’ve been through for all of us, I can only appreciate that You would spare me the suffering of being the Jets quarterback, which I imagine feels a bit like being nailed to a cross.
December 21, 2012
Entry No. 25,238: It’ll All Be Over Soon
I was just in the middle of ordering some survival supplies before it’s too late when it hit me: I’m a survivor. I’m going to make it out of this unholy situation and go on to do great things elsewhere. You are testing me, Lord, and I will pass. It took me a while, but I finally figured out that Coach Rex is a real you-know-what. He was never going to give me a shot, so now he’s seen as the bad guy who was holding me back. He even refuses to let me play now that Mark has been benched, which is fine by me. Now my plan to escape to greener pastures (just not Jets-green) won’t make me look bad. I trust, Lord, that You will find the right place for me next season, a place where I can do good deeds and play and win and serve Your cause.
Just one question first, though: You weren’t planning on taking that away from me with this whole end-of-the-world thing, were You?